In the beginning.

A new start to celebrate a fantastically self distructive and hedonistic lifestyle:

http://deepdarkunderbelly.blogspot.co.uk/

Home is wherever I'm with you

I wish I could come home but my head won't let me. I'm falling and you're the only one that can help but I can't promise you what you want and I'm not ready for that commitment. My heart is yours onli forever but I can't come home until my head is ready. I can't expect you to wait but naiively and selfishly I hope you will. It kills me to know that I am hurting you and all I want is for you to be happy. If nothing else I hope we can be friends in the future. Until you ask me otherwise I will leave you alone and give you all the space you need.  I will always love you. 

sadism

Oh Marianne, you went and lost your head
Outside the gates, they found you dead
You've been cut up, you've been cut down
Your shoulders lost their precious crown

Marianne, you've done it now
Marianne

Oh Marianne, who cut you down to size?
who slashed your throat, plucked out your pretty eyes?
who drew your blood straight from your heart?
who spelled your name on the ground with a cursive mark?

Mariannne, you've done it now
Buried, Marianne, 6 feet under
Marianne

Oh Marianne, you came up on the scene
You sold your soul for the silver screen
You got them marquee rose and you sang them marquee here
Marianne, you knew the cost, it was a temporary fix

Marianne, you've done it now
Buried, Marianne, 6 feet under

If you listen now and then, you'll hear her favourite tune whistlin' in the wind

Oh Marianne, you reign for the highest speaks(?) the brightest streets
Gonna be a star
Beautiful voice, you're such a pretty thing
Marianne, what good is a corpse if it cannot sing

Marianne, you've done it now
Buried, Marianne, 6 feet under

If you listen now and then, you'll hear her favourite tune whistlin' in the wind

Beautiful pain

Love. Every time I think of you my heart fills with a feeling that is physically impossible to describe but is without a doubt love of the purest and most all consuming kind. There are so many cliches about love and all so true. Everyone believes their love is one of a kind, better than anyone else's and despite evidence to the contrary so do I. My love is a rare kind - one of the lucky few to find their true soul-mate. My best friend, and definitely the best lover ever! My life is yours, everything is for you. Perhaps true altruism does exist?

Each moment without you is a beautiful pain. A longing wait. Knowing that when I see you again it will be the happiest moment of my life - as is every moment with you.

Yovrs onli. Forever.

For you.

I have found my key. My key to sanity and happiness. My rock and guardian angel. I only have to be with you to be normal and I am more myself than I have ever been in my life. You complete me and are truly my soul mate. Perhaps this is the cure to bipolar, unconditional requited love.

I can miss my pills and I won't notice any mood changes as long as I am with you. I can drink and take drugs and not suffer the consequences. I don't know how you do it, must be a magician. Every moment together is a miracle, true happiness. I will always love you and no one will ever mean as much to me as you do.

You better stay safe on your travels baby because I don't know how to live without you. The thought of not having you terrifies me more than anything. I would do anything for you and so I will try my very best to stay happy for you.

I hope we are together forever and never get sick of each other. Bad things will happen I'm sure, such is life, but I think we are strong enough to get through them. I would fight for you no matter what.

I love you, I love you, I love you. Words cannot express. Looks and touches cannot express. Only time will truly be able to show you how much I love you.

Keep it in the past.

There are secrets I can never reveal. Even to this blog for fear that anyone may ever find it. They haunt me nightly at the moment. During my psychosis I experienced and hallucinated indescribable things. I need them to stop before I lose my mind again.

Life does like to slap you when you're down.

I'm going to a funeral tomorrow. A funeral of a friend who didn't get the chance to become an adult and see where life could take her. The circumstances are much, much closer to home than is comfortable.

But I have experience on my side. I have a great support network and great friends. I'm not depressed yet, I'm just mourning like anyone would.

I won't let the stress and the illnesses kill me. I have seen TOO MANY times the devastation it leaves behind. Its not just you're own life you're taking. Remember that.

R.I.P girly I'm sorry that you could see no other way out.