Mind over matter

No one can truly understand how difficult it is to live with a mental illness unless they have experianced it. You can never run away from your own mind. The saying is mind over matter not mind over mind because how can you fight your own conciousness? Apart from death, but thats not a great option.

The problem with bipolar is in the highs you forget how bad the lows are. And worse than that, you just don't care. At the time it seems worth it. But everything has a price and right now I'm paying that price. As well as feeling down which in itself is terrible, there's this huge feeling of loss. My happiness is gone. Will I ever be happy again?

It probably doesn't help that I've just watched avatar for the first time and can't see the point of living seeing as I'm not blue and don't live on an incredibly cool planet with awesome birds that you can fly on etc. Where the hell am I gonna get my kicks if I can't connect my hair to a toruk and dive at horrendous speeds next to a vertical cliff face?

Down, down, down, down.

So the pills are dragging me out of the sky. About as painful as you can get I feel like something is being ripped out of me and slowly being fed through a shredder, like I'll never ever feel that happiness again. I know the doctor says that the happiness - mania - is bad because its burning up seratonin but at the moment I just can't really see that it's not worth it. Anyway the pills are really kicking in and the screen is going blurry so thats all I can write for now. Adios.