Please make it stop.

Everyone says you just have to hang on in and the lows will go away. In my case maybe for a day or half a week at most but then they come back. So they don't really ever go away. Maybe I do have to bear this for the rest of my life.

I can't go up on the anti-depressants because that will just make me have uncontrollably high manic episodes and as you can see from the last post the mixed ones are particularly unpleasant.

So do I have to live with every other day feeling like I can't go on with life? If I do, it won't be long before I give up.

Help, this is my scream.

I had it. Perfect. And now they're gonna take it away. They'd rather i was in a black hole of despair then happy. No one can know im losing ocnmtrol. I can barely type right now I'm so manic. I jsut halucintated that my parents had let them take me and lock me up and I was screaming at them telling them, begging them to see that I'm not crazy that it was jsut the asylum that made it seem as though I was. It was only because they believed that I was crazy that I seemed crazy.

Probably indicates that I'm losing it. I can't. I have exams coming up I've finally got my concentration back and I've been WORKING.  I CAN DO IT. PLEASE FUCKING LET ME BE.

WHY. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. Why can't I be happy why cant things be good. If they force me back down I will die. All my hope will go I've been in hell for far too long and too often to go back. If I do one more time I can't survive. IM HAPPY. FOR FUCKS SAKE IM HAPPY.

I have my friends, everything is going so well, I can deal with my mum and I can fight my battles. Please don't let this be the fight I lose. If I lose this is the end.

Bipolar disorder kills 22% of females with this illness. Please don't let it be me.