I had it. Perfect. And now they're gonna take it away. They'd rather i was in a black hole of despair then happy. No one can know im losing ocnmtrol. I can barely type right now I'm so manic. I jsut halucintated that my parents had let them take me and lock me up and I was screaming at them telling them, begging them to see that I'm not crazy that it was jsut the asylum that made it seem as though I was. It was only because they believed that I was crazy that I seemed crazy.
Probably indicates that I'm losing it. I can't. I have exams coming up I've finally got my concentration back and I've been WORKING. I CAN DO IT. PLEASE FUCKING LET ME BE.
WHY. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. Why can't I be happy why cant things be good. If they force me back down I will die. All my hope will go I've been in hell for far too long and too often to go back. If I do one more time I can't survive. IM HAPPY. FOR FUCKS SAKE IM HAPPY.
I have my friends, everything is going so well, I can deal with my mum and I can fight my battles. Please don't let this be the fight I lose. If I lose this is the end.
Bipolar disorder kills 22% of females with this illness. Please don't let it be me.
good luck with exams! hope i'm not top late to post that. and it doesnt seem like your losing it, i feel the same some way sometimes. push through it..
ReplyDeletesry if i seem too outward and opinionated.. i'm drunk. :o!
ReplyDelete