So here come the insecurities, those little niggling doubts about yourself and the paranoia that everything around you is a lie; even worse is the fact that you couldn't give a shit. Whats the worst that can go wrong when you have no fear of death or pain?
It doesn't help that I'm a cynic, but lately I've found myself even more cynical about friendships and love and morals to the extent that it is probably distorting my own friendships and therefore increasing my own cynisism in a lovely helterskelter ride.
The problem is that for the past month or so I've been on a fabulous high, kept slightly in check by many different drugs. If I hit the bottom of this ride again it could prove to be one time to many.
Am I slipping into depression or is this just a blip? I haven't been on my best behaviour lately, gone against pretty much everything my doctors said not to do, drink, drugs, multiple late nights in a row, emotional films when I'm feeling fragile. Well lets just hope it doesn't last.
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