When I was younger I was a slut. I lost my virginity at 14 and it meant nothing to me. The boyfriend I lost it to told me he loved me which for some reason I'm still not sure about freaked me out so much I then slept with his two best friends. I used people and sometimes got with people just because someone else fancied them. Maybe it was because I had no self confidence and used sex as a form of self destruction. Or maybe I just wanted to.
I don't believe in love. Not in the romantic sense. I'm not really sure what I think about it. I know that I love my family but thats different, although I'm not sure why. I thought I was in love once and he said he loved me, but four months later it turns out he didn't mean the same thing. It scares me that no one will ever love me and for some reason I feel like no one can, like somethings wrong with me. I used people in the past so that no one could use me. I gave that up this summer and ended up being used so now I think I'm going to scrap that idea.
Fuck you to everyone who claims they care. I don't give a shit, its all fucking fake. I give up pretending that sex means something. I was right the first time round. Fuck you to all the people that pretend it does. Climb out of your naive little boxes and realise that nothing matters. Its only society that says we should be nice to each other. In reality all people care about is themselves.
People are nice to make themselves feel like a good person. You give to charity so that you don't feel guilty about people less well off, and get pleasure out of being a kind person. No one would do it if it made them feel shit in order to let someone else get the benefit. You say you love someone so they will say it back and you can feel like your the centre of someones universe. In the words of Rihanna:
Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever loveLike I’m the only one who knows your heart.
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